The slip up

It has been 8-9 week since the beginning of my journey, and the reason I'm not saying- "since my last cigarette" is because i have smoked one. I can't explain why i did it. Not only i can't explain it but I genuinely don't understand what i did it myself.

My sister is back home (Israel), I've returned to my routine, and i feel fine, more than fine, actually. I feel happy to be back to my schedule. The trip recharged me, gave me a nice break, and left me feeling refreshed. But then it happened. I went to work, finished my shift, and as i walked out the Door, i saw someone smoking. Without thinking, i asked if i could have one. I took a drag, and it was disgusting.

i choked like I've never choked before, not even during my first cigarette years ago. I felt nauseous and immediately threw the rest away. As i walked away, I couldn't believe i had ruined such a good streak. But after doing some research when i look back at the moment i smoked, i realize it wasn't a conscious choice. It was impulsive, almost automatic. Research on impulsive decision making explains how emotional states, whether positive or negative, can override our ability to think logically, leading to behaviors we later regret. As Claes and Muehlenkamp discuss, acting on impulse during positive emotional states can eirnforce risky behavior over time. (Sheehan et al., 2024)

in my case, I wasn't in a bad place emotionally, I felt good, even refreshed. But that impulsive decision showed me that smoking no longer bring me the satisfaction it used to. The choking, nausea, and regret made me realize i don't want to go back to that habit.